Divided Loyalties Read online

  One of the big pluses of going back out to the Gulf would be the distance it would put between her and her father. It would be a relief not to have to listen to his moaning, self-pitying whinges and his opinionated dictates. Carrie really should put her foot down and tell him to get on with it. Dan was very patient with Noel; Greg wasn’t half as accommodating and rarely visited with Shauna. On the rare occasions that Noel called to their house, her husband would have a short conversation with him and then disappear up to his office. When she was younger, years ago during their engagement, she’d always been on edge that Greg would blow his top about her father’s pointed jibes about ‘living in sin’ and tell him to get lost. Noel had never forgiven her for refusing to even consider letting Greg ask him for his permission to marry her.

  ‘I’m not your chattel, Dad. You don’t own me,’ she informed him tartly, much to his disgust.

  ‘Couldn’t you just do it to keep the peace?’ her mother urged, to no avail. It was only for her mother’s sake that she had allowed him to walk her up the aisle. And that too had been a source of conflict, because of her father’s insistence that she go to confession to make sure she had no stain of mortal sin on her soul as a result of living with Greg before marriage.

  He really had so much to answer for, she thought bitterly, remembering the rows and trauma that her father’s beliefs had inflicted on the family. How her mother had lived with him and put up with him she would never fathom, because if he had been her husband she would have surely murdered him.

  That conflict would not happen in her little family, she vowed as she laid her sleepy toddler in her car seat and covered her with a soft, woolly blanket. She raced back into the house, grabbed one of her daughter’s bottles from the fridge, shrugged into her own coat and was about to set the alarm when the phone rang. She was tempted not to answer it but was afraid it might be her client checking on the progress of her wedding dress.

  ‘Hi,’ she answered crisply, standing at the door so she could keep an eye on Chloe.

  ‘Shauna, how’s it going? You haven’t been in touch lately so I said I’d better give you a ring. We don’t want you disappearing out of the country without getting a chance to say goodbye.’ The breezy tones of her sister-in-law, Della, floated down the line. Shauna’s heart sank. She was definitely the last person Shauna needed to hear from today.

  ‘Della, I can’t stop to talk. Chloe’s in the car, Dad’s in hospital, and I’ve got to rush and pick up Olivia, so I’ll give you a buzz later in the week, OK?’

  ‘But—’

  ‘Della, I really have to go. Greg’s at work if you want a chat with him,’ she said hastily. ‘Talk to you soon, ’bye.’ Without even giving her sister-in-law a chance to respond she hung up, set the alarm and locked the door behind her.

  4

  ‘And how are the freeloaders?’ Carrie enquired acidly as they walked along the beach a couple of hours later.

  Shauna giggled. Carrie was not one to mince her words. ‘Don’t even go there,’ she groaned. ‘I didn’t engage in any conversation. I used Dad shamelessly, said he was in hospital and that I had to go, and hung up.’

  ‘I bet she’s looking to stay for a weekend before Christmas.’ Carrie skimmed a stone across the white-crested waves.

  ‘Well she can look all she wants. It’s not going to happen and I mean it this time,’ Shauna said with uncharacteristic steeliness. Her in-laws, Della Keegan, Greg’s only sister, and her husband, Eddie, were the bane of Shauna’s life. They lived near Cavan and on their frequent weekend trips to Dublin would often end up on her doorstep, unannounced, with plans to stay overnight. It hadn’t been so bad when neither couple had children but once Della had had Kathryn and a year later Shauna had Chloe it got much more awkward and gradually she’d begun to resent her in-laws’ unwelcome intrusions.

  Greg and Eddie would head off to the pub and she’d be left with Della and the babies. Della was a great one for oneupmanship and was always boasting about this acquisition or that. Frankly, Shauna couldn’t give a hoot and wished her sister-in-law would shut up wittering and give her some peace. The Keegans’ casual assumption that they could just drop in and stay over any time it suited them didn’t seem to bother Greg, and when she’d complained he’d informed her that he liked seeing his family and that she was lucky to have hers living just a couple of miles away. She couldn’t very well argue with that, and his comments made her seem churlish and inhospitable.

  Carrie understood her frustration. She’d seen Della and Eddie at their freeloading best after they’d gatecrashed a barbecue she and Dan were holding for Shauna’s birthday.

  They’d arrived empty-handed, eaten and drunk all round them, made no effort to help with the wash-up, and ended up too pissed to drive and sleeping on the couch. That was the weekend she’d christened them the Freeloaders.

  ‘I bet they’ll wangle an overnighter no matter what you say.’ Carrie grinned as she picked up a shiny, translucent shell for Olivia’s collection.

  ‘Nope! It’s not going to happen. I’ve a dress to finish, I’ve to make a start on my Christmas shopping and besides, I just don’t want them staying. I end up exhausted from running around after them. Della’s as lazy as sin and she lets Kathryn do what she likes. That child is getting spoilt rotten.’ She scowled, kicking a piece of driftwood out of her way impatiently. ‘She’s pregnant again, so of course that’s an even bigger excuse to put her feet up and do nothing.’

  ‘I hope you won’t be saying that about me,’ Carrie teased, smiling at her sister.

  ‘Why would I say that about you?’ Shauna asked, puzzled. Comprehension dawned. ‘You’re pregnant! Oh, Carrie, are you delighted?’ she asked wistfully, trying to ignore the little jolt of envy that shot through her.

  ‘Yeah, I am. I’d like Olivia to have a sister, or Davey a brother. Actually, I’d like twins so I could have one of each.’ She laughed, her green eyes sparkling as she confided her joyful news.

  ‘Congratulations. Is Dan pleased?’ Shauna hugged her sister tightly, ashamed of herself.

  ‘Yep. He’s great. He did the test with me. If I could only drag him away from his bloody glasshouses and tunnels he’d be perfect,’ Carrie said ruefully.

  ‘Men and their work.’ Shauna shook her head. ‘You’ll never believe it,’ she added slowly, ‘but last night I asked Greg if we could try for another baby.’

  ‘And?’ Carrie arched an eyebrow at her expectantly.

  Shauna wrinkled her nose. ‘He wasn’t too keen. He more or less said we’re only just getting back to something like normal after having Chloe. I just think now’s the time to go for it, so that they’ll be company for each other. I’d really love Chloe to have a sister or brother. I don’t want her to be an only child. It must be lonely. If I didn’t have you I don’t know what I’d do.’ Her voice wobbled and to her dismay she burst into tears.

  ‘Hey, hey, what’s wrong?’ Carrie looked at her in concern before putting her arms round her and giving her a comforting squeeze.

  ‘I don’t know.’ Shauna sniffled. ‘I suppose Greg’s attitude doesn’t help, and then bloody Della on the phone, and Dad being in hospital and me feeling guilty about you being up all night, especially now, knowing that you’re pregnant. Sorry, I know it all sounds very me, me, me, and you’ve enough on your plate too. It must be my hormones,’ she wept, her words almost incoherent.

  She knew why she was crying but she couldn’t say it to her sister. She couldn’t say that when she had measured Greg’s attitude to having children against Dan’s, her husband had fallen far short and it hurt. Desperately. She wanted to be loyal to Greg but all she felt was resentment surging through her.

  ‘Don’t worry about last night. Didn’t you collect Olivia for me today and let me get some shut-eye? Aren’t we going in to see Dad together? Don’t beat yourself up about it, Shauna.’

  ‘It’s just that you’re so kind to him and I’m such a bitch to him. I don’t feel any love for him, I’m j
ust angry at him.’

  ‘We’re different, Shauna. You stood up to him. I don’t have your pluck, I tried to deal with it in other ways, more passively, I suppose. It doesn’t mean that I agree with him all the time or like the way he behaves,’ Carrie said wearily.

  Shauna wiped her eyes. ‘You’re just a kind person, Carrie, and, let’s face it, I’m a wagon.’

  ‘No you’re not,’ her sister said stoutly. ‘Stop crying, now. Here’s Olivia.’

  ‘Mammy, look what I found.’ Olivia danced across the sand waving a small crab. Her cheeks were bright from the fresh air and the bracing breeze whipped her copper pigtails around her face.

  ‘Ah the poor little thing. Is he alive or dead?’ Carrie asked, peering at the crab.

  ‘Dead as a dodo,’ Davey assured her. ‘Couldn’t have him for tea.’

  ‘You’re not going to eat my crab,’ Olivia protested.

  ‘Don’t start,’ warned Carrie as the pair squared up for a row.

  ‘But Mom,’ her son objected. ‘I only said—’

  ‘Enough. You’ve got five minutes left and then we’ve to go and see Grandpa.’

  ‘I’m going to have a funeral for my crab,’ Olivia announced mournfully. ‘You can all come.’

  ‘A funeral for a crab!’ Davey scoffed.

  Carrie quelled him with a look as Shauna stifled a giggle, amused at their carry-on. Chloe gurgled happily, adding her tuppence-worth, kicking her little wellington-clad feet happily over the edge of her buggy, delighted to be with her cousins. ‘Out, out,’ she entreated, arms outstretched, straining at the straps that held her prisoner.

  ‘Come on then,’ Shauna relented, opening the clasp and releasing her daughter from her captivity. Chloe, ecstatic at her freedom, legged it for the sea. She was in much better form today and her cheeks weren’t as red. The tooth was finally through. At last, Shauna thought gratefully as she called on her daughter to be careful.

  ‘Don’t worry, I’ll mind her,’ Davey assured his aunt as he followed his little cousin to the water’s frothy edge. Olivia joined them, having carefully wrapped her deceased crab in a tissue and given it to Carrie to mind. The trio squealed and danced in the foam, Chloe completely unafraid. It gave Shauna enormous pleasure to see how protective Olivia and Davey were of her.

  She was really going to miss Carrie and the kids. When all was said and done, family was more important than anything.

  ‘Will you come out and visit? You’d still be able to fly,’ she asked, suddenly lonely.

  ‘It would be a bit of an adventure, wouldn’t it? I don’t know if Dan could manage it. I don’t think he’d leave his precious crops for two weeks and there wouldn’t be much point in going all that way for less, would there?’ Carrie said doubtfully.

  ‘He could come for a week and you could come for two,’ Shauna urged. ‘Come out at Easter when the kids are off school.’

  ‘We’ll see. And we’ll see how I’m feeling. If I was waddling around like a big whale it wouldn’t be very comfortable.’

  ‘No, probably not,’ Shauna conceded.

  ‘I suppose we’d better get a move on if we’re going to see Dad,’ Carrie said reluctantly.

  ‘Pity we have to go, it’s lovely here. I could stay all afternoon,’ Shauna sighed, inhaling the salty air, turning her face to the buttery November sun. The sky was azure, dotted with little cottonbuds of clouds, and the sea whispered against the shore, its lullaby peaceful and soothing. Miles of white sand unfurled on either side of her and the Mountains of Mourne were hazy in the distance, a backdrop to the beacon in Mornington at the end of the pier, which stretched like a long finger into the sea.

  ‘Look at the capers of them. Chloe’s having a ball.’ She turned her gaze on the children.

  ‘I know. It’s nice, isn’t it? In another couple of years the age difference between Olivia and Chloe won’t mean a thing. They’ll be like sisters,’ Carrie observed.

  ‘Yeah, they will, won’t they?’ The thought comforted Shauna. ‘Let’s make sure they’re always close.’

  ‘God, Shauna, you’re terribly maudlin today. Have you got PMT?’ Carrie eyed her quizzically.

  ‘No, I’m just over them. Started a new Pill pack last night, unfortunately.’ She smiled ruefully. ‘I guess I hadn’t factored in how much harder it would be to go abroad this time. I suppose it’s because of Chloe and the kids.’

  ‘Don’t go then,’ Carrie retorted.

  ‘If we don’t go before Chloe starts school, we won’t go at all. It’s a good opportunity for Greg. He’s got a great new job out there. There’s loads of building and development going on at the moment. It’s too good an opportunity to miss.’

  ‘But what about the Iraq war? Does that not worry you?’ Carrie asked bluntly.

  ‘Will you stop going on about it?’ Shauna said tetchily. ‘Of course it concerns me. But everyone we’ve spoken to out there maintains that it’s making no difference to their lives, except at the airports, and that’s affecting us all.’

  ‘True,’ Carrie agreed, backing off.

  ‘Look, the first hint of danger and Chloe and I will be home, and Greg can stay if he likes,’ Shauna said reassuringly.

  ‘Don’t mind me. I was always a worrier.’ Carrie grinned.

  ‘Don’t I know it. I shared a bedroom with you for long enough. Remember the time there was a small earthquake in Wales and you were afraid to go asleep in case we had one and the ceiling collapsed on top of us? You kept me awake all frigging night!’

  Carrie giggled. ‘It’s probably where Olivia gets her dramatics from, although she’s much more of a drama queen than I was.’

  ‘You had your moments,’ Shauna teased.

  ‘We better get our asses in gear. Don’t forget we’ve a funeral to go to as well as a hospital visit,’ Carrie said.

  ‘She’ll forget all about that,’ Shauna assured her as she manoeuvred the buggy towards the shore.

  ‘Are you kidding? And miss an occasion of high drama? It’s Olivia we’re talking about here.’ Carrie smiled at her sister. ‘If you have tears to shed, prepare to shed them.’

  An hour later, Shauna sat at her father’s hospital bedside and tried not to fidget. ‘I’ve had an ECG and a stress test and blood tests. They’re waiting for the results,’ Noel informed her self-importantly. ‘I wonder have my arteries narrowed. I heard them talking about an angiogram. It’s possible I might have to have a bypass. Poor Tom Cowen had a bypass and died on the table, never even woke up from the anaesthetic. It would make you think twice about going under the knife, wouldn’t it?’ He focused his watery, grey-eyed gaze on her.

  ‘Don’t be worrying about these things until they happen,’ Shauna murmured, trying not to be sharp. Why did he always have to turn everything into a drama?

  ‘Sure you won’t have to be worrying about it. You’ll be on the other side of the world, deserting us all,’ her father said tartly.

  ‘Were you waiting long for a bed?’ She ignored the jibe.

  ‘Long enough. Your sister was very kind to me.’

  ‘Yeah, Carrie’s great.’ Shauna knew he was getting at her but wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of rising to his bait.

  ‘Why didn’t you bring the little one up to see me?’ he asked petulantly. ‘I’d like to see as much of her as I can. She won’t know me when you finally get sense and come home to live for good.’

  ‘Carrie’s minding her in the car – that’s why I’m only staying a few minutes. A hospital ward’s no place for a toddler; it’s not fair on the other patients. If you want to come down with me, I’ll bring her into the reception area,’ she responded coolly.

  ‘The world and his mother comes in here. That’s nonsense,’ Noel contradicted, unimpressed with her argument. A young trainee nurse walked by and smiled at them.

  ‘Ah it’s Nurse Carey, the prettiest nurse on the ward and the best at giving injections.’ He smiled with saccharine sweetness that had Shauna gritting her teeth in irritation. ‘Y
ou’re a great girl,’ he went on, looking around at the other patients to make sure they agreed with him.

  The nurse gave a self-conscious smile and hurried on. Shauna bit her lip. She wanted to tell him to stop acting like an old fool, embarrassing young girls with his nonsense. What a notice-box he was. If they only knew what he was really like, she thought irritably.

  ‘A grand little girl and respectful with it,’ he added pointedly, a scowl replacing the honeyed smile.

  ‘Right, I’m going to let Carrie and the kids up. If you want to come down with me, come on. If not I’ll say goodbye,’ Shauna said crisply, standing up.

  Noel put on a weak, plaintive voice. ‘I don’t think I’d be able for it,’ he murmured, lying back against his pillows.

  Tough, Shauna said silently. ‘Do you need anything?’

  ‘I’ll get Carrie to fetch my few bits and pieces. I don’t want to be putting you to trouble.’ He sighed deeply.

  ‘Grand,’ she replied airily. ‘Sleep well tonight.’

  ‘You might want to tell your brother that I’m in hospital in case anything untoward happens.’

  ‘Well that’s unlikely, but if I’m talking to Bobby I’ll tell him.’

  ‘Not that he’ll be that worried, I’m sure,’ sniffed her father.

  Probably not, she wanted to say, but she felt she’d been bitchy enough. ‘I’ll send Carrie up,’ she said in a kinder tone of voice. ‘’Bye, Dad.’ She made no effort to kiss him.

  ‘’Bye, Shauna,’ Noel said tiredly and turned his head away.

  ‘How is he?’ Carrie asked, handing Chloe to her a few minutes later at the car.

  ‘Martyr mode. I’ve to let Bobby know he’s in hospital in case anything “untoward” happens.’ She threw her eyes up to heaven. ‘I asked him if he needed anything but he said he’d ask you to get his bits and pieces. I did try to help out,’ she added defensively.