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  To my beautiful parents

  All men should strive

  To learn before they die

  What they are running from, and to,

  And why.

  James Thurber

  The Engagements

  1

  ‘Let’s have a double wedding!’ Carol Logan burst out impulsively, brown eyes sparkling with giddy anticipation.

  Oh no! Jessica Kennedy’s stomach lurched as she gazed at her friend with undisguised dismay. A double wedding with Carol and Gary was the last thing she wanted.

  ‘Hey, that’s not a bad idea,’ Gary, her friend’s fiancé, approved. ‘What do you think, you guys?’

  ‘I suppose it’s an option.’ Mike, Jessica’s boyfriend, eyed her quizzically.

  ‘I don’t know,’ Jessica demurred, privately raging with him. Surely Mike would know that she wouldn’t want a double wedding.

  ‘Oh come on, Jessie, it would be fun, we could invite all our friends and have a great bash and split the cost between us,’ Carol urged enthusiastically. Jessica could see she had the bit between her teeth. She knew what lay behind her friend’s proposal and she felt a surge of resentment that her friend could be so self-centred as to hijack her and Mike’s wedding for her own purposes.

  Nip it in the bud now! she told herself sternly, wishing she wasn’t such a wimp. She wasn’t good at drawing her boundaries, as her cousin, best friend and great adviser, Katie, was always telling her. Katie’d freak when she heard this. She and Carol didn’t get on at all.

  ‘Er . . . I don’t know, Carol. It won’t be for ages yet, and besides, Mum’s really looking forward to organizing the wedding,’ she fibbed. ‘It’s given her a whole new lease of life.’

  ‘Well, that’s fine, she can organize it. You know my parents won’t be particularly interested, it’s not as if they’re going to be paying for mine. My mother probably won’t even bother her ass to come. It might mean she’d have to stay sober,’ Carol added with a hint of bitterness. ‘Gary and I will be paying for our own, that’s why it would be nice to split the costs.’

  ‘Oh come on, Carol, it’s not that bad. We’re not paupers,’ Gary interjected tersely.

  ‘I’m not saying we are! I just said we’d be paying for the wedding ourselves,’ Carol said huffily, her animated expression turning sulky.

  ‘Look, let’s sleep on it and not reject the idea out of hand. As I said before, it’s an option. Nothing’s set in stone,’ Mike said easily, squeezing Jessica’s hand. She didn’t squeeze back. She was mad with him for even considering the idea in the first place.

  ‘Oh well, if Jessica’s not keen on the idea there’s no point.’ Carol sulked. ‘Forget it.’

  Jessica bit her lip. Now Carol was in a huff, which was a real bummer. She could keep up her huffs for ages. Jessica usually caved in after a day.

  Gary glanced at Mike and threw his eyes up to heaven. ‘Another pint, mate?’

  ‘I don’t think so, I really need to do some serious swotting this weekend. Exams are starting on Monday.’

  ‘Poor bugger,’ Gary sympathized. ‘I’d hate to be you. You should have gone into IT like me.’

  ‘Company car, great salary,’ Carol interjected smugly, never able to resist a bit of one-upmanship.

  ‘Well, Mike will have all that too and letters after his name. He’ll probably have his own engineering company,’ Jessica retorted childishly.

  ‘Steady on.’ Mike grimaced. ‘I’ve to get my exams first.’

  ‘You’ll walk it, mate, walk it,’ Gary said supportively.

  ‘Well, I’d better go and get the head down anyway.’ Mike stood up and held Jessica’s jacket for her.

  ‘I’m hungry. Can’t we go to Temple Bar or Flanagan’s for something to eat?’ Carol grumbled.

  Mike slanted a look at Jessica’s grim expression.

  ‘Not tonight. After next week, I’m all yours. See you, guys.’ He moved out into the crowd milling around the upstairs bar of The Oval.

  ‘Night, Gary, night, Carol.’ Jessica edged her way around the table.

  Carol kept her gaze averted and muttered a goodnight. Gary raised his almost empty beer glass in farewell. He didn’t look very happy, Jessica noted. He probably knew he was in for a good whinge session. She sighed as she followed her beloved downstairs and out on to Abbey Street. It was a busy, buzzy Friday night. Dublin was alive and kicking.

  It was balmy out. A warm breeze whispered on the air, refreshing after the stultifying heat of the bar. They turned left and walked towards O’Connell Street in silence.

  ‘OK, get it over and done with. I know you’re mad.’ Mike dropped an arm around his girlfriend’s shoulder.

  ‘Oh Mike, I’d hate a double wedding. You know I want it to be special for us. Why did you even say it was an option?’ she burst out, stopping and looking up at him.

  ‘Sorry, Jessie. I didn’t know you felt so strongly about it. I wasn’t thinking. It could be nice and a bit of fun.’

  ‘Fun! With her weird family and all his brothers getting pissed! Are you mad, Mike? It would be a disaster. We wouldn’t get a look in.’

  ‘OK, OK.’ He spread his hands placatingly.

  ‘You’d like it. Wouldn’t you?’ she accused.

  ‘Look, Jessie, it doesn’t bother me one way or another. I just want what you want,’ Mike growled, his patience beginning to wear thin.

  ‘What do you mean, it doesn’t matter to you one way or another? What kind of a thing is that to say? It’s our wedding we’re talking about. It’s supposed to be the most important and special day of our lives. Doesn’t it mean anything to you?’

  ‘Would you calm down, Jessie. We’re not getting married for ages. I’ve to get my exams first and get on with my new job. So stop making a mountain out of a molehill. You’re like a briar. What’s wrong with you?’ He stood looking down at her, rubbing his hand wearily along his jaw, trying to suppress a yawn.

  ‘It’s Carol. She’s driving me nuts. Muscling in on everything we do.’ Jessica exhaled a deep breath and snuggled in against Mike. ‘I was really looking forward to going away for that weekend on our own and now they’re coming and I won’t have you to myself.’ She and Mike had planned a weekend sailing on the Shannon to celebrate the end of his finals. As soon as Carol had heard their plans she’d immediately suggested a foursome, much to Jessica’s dismay.

  ‘And you know why she wants a double wedding?’ She scowled as they resumed their walk towards the capital’s main thoroughfare. ‘She’s afraid Gary’s going to chicken out and not go through with it. And it would be much harder for him to do that if we were having a double wedding.’

  ‘Ah, don’t say that,’ Mike chided.

  ‘Why not, it’s the truth,’ Jessica said bluntly.

  ‘You women! The ideas you get in your head. Come on, forget about them, let’s go and have a bite to eat ourselves,’ he suggested.

  ‘Will we?’ She brightened. ‘But what about your swotting?’

  ‘I’ll get up early and go into the library tomorrow. Come on, it would be nice to have a meal on our own, wouldn’t it?’

  ‘Yeah.’ She snuggled in close against him, her bad humour evaporating. She loved being with Mike. He was so easy-going and good-humoured, and even her worst PMT moods didn’t faze him and that was saying something. Come to think of it, PMT was why she’d been so ratty earlier, she really should tak
e some V6 or evening primrose oil. She always meant to buy some when she was passing Nature’s Way but somehow she never got round to it.

  ‘Sorry about being so crotchety earlier.’ She squeezed his hand. ‘I think I’ve got PMT.’

  ‘Aha, the old PMT. Just as well your hormones and I are old buddies at this stage.’ Mike slanted an affectionate glance in her direction.

  ‘Yeah, well, I’ll make it up to you when you’re going bald, and can’t get it up and are having a midlife crisis,’ she teased, loving the way he accepted her, PMT and all.

  They held hands as they retraced their steps along Abbey Street and headed to Temple Bar. They were going to eat in Luigi Malones, one of their favourite haunts.

  ‘I’m having the rack of baby ribs,’ Jessica announced as they made themselves comfortable at their favourite table, at the window that looked out on to the bustling streets of the most trendy hot spot in the city.

  ‘You have that every time we come here, you’re such a creature of habit. Be adventurous. Try something different. The fajitas here are something else,’ Mike urged.

  ‘I know, but I love the sauce on the ribs and I can taste yours as well. Win win situation.’ Jessica grinned at him, happy to have him all to herself. She leaned across the table and kissed him lightly on the mouth.

  ‘I love you very much,’ she said.

  Mike’s eyes crinkled in a smile as he took her hand in his. ‘I love you too, my little tetchy crosspatch.’

  Jessica giggled and felt immensely happy. She knew her wedding day, whenever it was, was going to be the happiest day of her life and, one thing was for sure, Carol could forget the idea of having a double wedding. When she walked up the aisle there’d be one man waiting at the altar. She and Mike were going to have a wedding they would never forget. Carol and Gary could do their own thing, and if Carol didn’t like it, tough!

  2

  ‘Do you want another drink or do you want to go and have something to eat?’ Gary drained his pint and looked questioningly at Carol.

  ‘Suit yourself,’ she muttered.

  ‘Carol, don’t take it out on me. It’s not my fault Jessica’s not on for a double wedding,’ he retorted.

  ‘She’s so selfish sometimes,’ Carol burst out indignantly. ‘It’s all right for her, she’s got everything, lovely family, great flat, great job. Everything just falls into her lap. She should think about other people now and again.’

  ‘Oh, come off it now, Carol!’ Gary frowned. ‘Jessie’s a good friend to you.’ He was starting to lose patience. Seeing his change of mood, Carol immediately became conciliatory.

  ‘Don’t mind me, I know she is. It’s just it would have been nice to have a double wedding with them. You know what my family are like. A disaster. Who’d want to get married with a mother who’ll probably go on the piss and a father who doesn’t give a damn?’

  She flashed a glimpse through her lashes at him and saw him frowning.

  ‘You’ll have a good wedding, Carol, don’t worry,’ he said flatly, and his tone caused a flicker of fear to race through her. She knew that tone of voice well. It was his Under-Pressure-And-Not-Wanting-To-Be-Bothered-With-This tone.

  ‘Oh, let’s forget the old wedding. What do you want to do?’ she said gaily, rubbing her hand along his arm.

  ‘Let’s go back to my place,’ he suggested.

  ‘Only if you promise not to try and get me into bed,’ she warned.

  ‘Aw, come on, Carol. Mike and Jessica are at it like rabbits. Give me a break. We’re engaged. I’ll use condoms. Can’t you go on the pill? Jessie’s on the pill,’ Gary urged.

  ‘Well, go marry her, then,’ she flared.

  ‘For heaven’s sake, Carol, if you go on the pill you won’t get pregnant,’ Gary said in exasperation.

  ‘No way. I had a scare once, before I met you, and I’m not going through that again. And besides, I’m not going on the pill to get fat and have a stroke at forty.’

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous, you’re only using that as an excuse.’

  ‘Fine, if all you want is sex go get yourself a slapper. I’m off.’ Carol grabbed her bag and stood up.

  ‘Suit yourself.’ Her boyfriend shrugged and she felt like thumping him. Furious, she made her way out of the crowded pub and trudged unhappily towards her bus stop. Gary wouldn’t come after her, she knew that. He was too stubborn. She shouldn’t have lost her cool. Now she’d have a fraught weekend waiting for him to ring her, worrying and fretting that he’d go off and meet someone else and that would be the end of them. The end of her dream of walking up the aisle.

  It was all Jessica’s fault, she thought irrationally, kicking a Coke can viciously and sending it skidding into the gutter. If Jessie hadn’t turned up her nose at having a double wedding she wouldn’t have been in a bad humour and she and Gary wouldn’t have ended up having a row.

  It was all right for Jessie; she was secure in Mike’s love. They were an extremely united couple. They laughed a lot and were very relaxed in each other’s company. She and Gary were a different kettle of fish. She wasn’t at all sure of him. Her boyfriend had a roving eye that caused her sleepless nights. She’d see him looking at other women, flirting and winking at them. Why he even bothered with her she was never sure. She wasn’t a looker like Jessie. She was tall and well built, unlike her curvy, sexy friend, her cropped, spiky black hair a million miles away from the other girl’s silky, copper mane.

  Sometimes, in her darkest moments, she wondered if Gary secretly fancied Jessie. A couple in front of her laughed, the man’s chuckle deep and hearty, the girl’s giggly and infectious. Carol glowered at them and quickened her pace to overtake them. A lovey-dovey couple was the last thing she needed right now. As she turned into O’Connell Street she saw an eleven bus in the distance. She’d make it if the traffic lights at the Henry Street junction turned red. She took a deep breath and began to run, weaving between the night-time revellers congregating outside Eason’s and the GPO. She ran easily, her long legs loping along. She was fit and limber from hours of playing tennis, and as she glanced behind her and saw the bus gaining on her she put on an extra spurt and saw with satisfaction the traffic lights turn from green to amber and then red. She raced across Henry Street, swerving to avoid a drunken youth who was stumbling bleary-eyed into her path.

  ‘Idiot!’ she cursed as her bus stop came into sight and she slowed her pace. She didn’t like the atmosphere on O’Connell Street, it could be quite menacing. It was amazing the difference a couple of minutes’ walk could make.

  It was only when she was sitting on the bus, gazing out at the queues for the late-night films at the Savoy, that she realized that she was hungry and in no hurry to go home to her shabby bedsit on the North Circular Road. The adrenaline rush from her sprint to catch the bus subsided, and she slumped dejectedly in her seat. The bus was almost empty – there was still an hour to go before last orders were called in the city pubs. An elderly man nodded off in a seat at the back of the bus and two young teenagers giggled at a shared joke, oblivious to her misery, their giddy exuberance in stark contrast to her woe. Her heart was in her boots. He didn’t love her, if he did he would never have let her leave so easily. Gary had made no effort to come after her, the bastard. Right now she hated him.

  * * *

  Gary studied the pint of Guinness in front of him with pleasure: black velvet topped with a smooth, creamy head. He lifted the pint glass and drank slowly, savouring the taste. If Carol wanted to be childish he wasn’t going to indulge her. He was heartily sick of her nonsense. She was starting to get on his nerves. Laying on the pressure with a trowel. Why couldn’t she just calm down and get things in perspective? They were young, life was for living and having fun. There was plenty of time for weddings and mortgages and all that boring grown-up stuff that he just didn’t want to be bothered with. It was bad enough being engaged, he thought grumpily. The minute Mike and Jessica had announced their engagement, he knew he was in for trouble. And boy,
was he right. Gary gave a deep sigh that came from his toes. Carol had kept up the pressure until one night after a couple of pints too many and because he was feeling decidedly horny he’d asked her to marry him. They’d nearly gone the whole way but she’d chickened out at the last minute, and it was too late to back out of the engagement because she’d insisted on phoning Jessica and Mike practically the minute he’d proposed. He would have looked a right heel if he’d backed off.

  Gary chewed his lip. Carol drove him mad sometimes but she intrigued him too. Sometimes she could be sweet and playful and she was a damn sexy woman. He’d first seen her playing mixed doubles with friends of his and watching her limber, long-legged stride across the court had been a stirring experience in more ways than one.

  He took a long draught of his beer. He wasn’t going to think about it now, it was too aggravating, and he was tired after a week’s hard work fixing computers owned by idiots who didn’t know how to use them. He stretched out his legs, took his paper out of his jacket pocket and turned to the sports pages. This was an unexpected treat; he should make the most of it. No wittering women giving out to him, no pressure about weddings and buying houses, just him, his pint and his paper. What more could a man want? Well, apart from a wild roll in the sack. And he certainly wasn’t going to get that from Carol tonight. But she wasn’t the only woman in the world, he reflected lazily, as he signalled the barman to pull another pint for him and began to read the sports results.

  3

  Jessica yawned as she let herself into the flat. She was tired, happy and longing for bed. ‘Are you sure you won’t stay the night? I’ll get up and cook you a big fry-up in the morning. And I’ll send you off with a smile on your face.’ She wrapped her arms around Mike and kissed him soundly.

  ‘Stop it, you shameless hussy.’ He raised his head and drew breath, grinning down at her. ‘I was supposed to be studying tonight, my finals are starting Monday, Jessie. I have to have my wits about me and I need to get some last-minute swotting done, please, Jessie, have mercy. You know I can’t resist you.’